Tuesday, November 24, 2009
We have a choice....
Today sees the release of a track I wrote nearly a year ago. It's called "Choice". I wrote it at a time when I was walking around with a dark cloud over my head. I was angry with people. I was angry with life. I felt poisoned by resentments I was carrying around inside of me.
Writing and listening to music is often therapeutic for people. Writing this track helped me to realize I had a choice about my feelings. I couldn't change what had happened that made me angry, but I could change how I felt about it, and how my feelings affected me. That much was theoretically under my control. But I still needed help. I didn't want to walk around angry anymore, but my pain was real, life is often not fair, and I couldn't just imagine that away instantaneously.
It's not easy to change our attitudes. Choosing to change our feelings means taking on a huge challenge. Even if the long term goal is to feel better, going through a change can still feel more painful than staying the same. I admire anyone who has the strength to do this. I don't always have the strength for this task, and I know it's hard to do it alone.
This is where I often turn to music. I think music can help our moods because it gets under our skin, and re-programs our subconscious. Trance Music can be meditational, and meditating can change our habitual way of functioning. I found singing this track to be soothing...I chose to use a soft tone and I kept repeating the line 'we have a choice'. When I started the song, I had an idea that seemed hard to believe in, but one that I thought I could trust in after some time and convincing. I focused on the ideal, and found a way to convince myself to put faith in it.
Repetition leads to convincing. Singing the line over and over helped me to trust it, and when I was done writing the track, I felt I was on the mend. It wasn't a cure-all. I still get sad and angry. I don't live in a bubble of non-stop happiness. But when I'm upset, I feel like I have more coping strategies than I used to. I still repeat the words of this song to myself when I feel life is bringing me down, or that a bitterness is 'stealing my smile'.
I hope you will like the track. There are three gorgeous arrangements by very talented producers, and each interprets the words differently.
If you are feeling hurt or angry, I hope it will help you find some inner peace again.
If it's bringing you down
Sometimes we hold on too long
Sometimes we cling to things that really are hurtful
Sometimes we don't see what's obvious
Sometimes we don't know we have a choice
oh, we have a choice
we have a choice
sometimes a bitterness will steal our smiles
and sometimes life just isn't fair
and though we might want to hurt the ones who are hurting us
it's true regret is hard to bear
we have a choice